I think pride is an important concept to reflect on right now. Two interesting things pertaining to pride happened to me recently, and have caused me to look into depth about my feelings and experiences about my pride of my achievements and pride of my fashion sense.
I just started up my second semester of college of my sophomore year and my management teacher asked the class to go around the room and introduce ourselves by giving general information about our name, where we're from, job experience, etc. What particularly struck me about her questionnaire was when she asked us to tell the class about something we were proud of...
It took me a bit to think of what to say, because to be honest I'm not a super big overachiever so I don't have a long laundry list of accomplishments to be proud of (YET!). I finally came up with an answer and said I'm proud of my blog. Ironically the person I was telling this information to was a significant other (not yet considered a boyfriend, but pretty close to one) and he was surprised to know I had a blog. That was the first time that I really felt and reflected on the sense of pride in myself for maintaining this blog. I think I've been taking it for granted a bit in the past few months of my life.
I've been having some problems with this "significant other" lately which in result has been giving me a great deal of anxiety, especially when it comes time to try to go to bed and fall asleep. The other night I was trying to figure out ways to get my mind off of my issues and to just relax and feel better. I went back to my blog and looked at every single post that I've created on SWS and it did just the trick. I loved reading my opinion posts and looking at my work.
It might sound funny but this is the first time I'm comfortable with saying that I really like my blog. I guess since I'm still on the younger side, I'm still under some scrutiny from my peers for doing something independent and different. I used to use my twitter as an avenue to share my blog updates. I soon stopped doing that because I became embarrassed when friends of mine would look onto the sight and see my personal expression and question my motivations for doing the blog and make remarks about it.
Now it is a different story. I want to start writing more on here and share more of my feelings about fashion, photography, and everything in between. It'd also be cool to start posting more of my own styling work and photography on here again. I think having this blog is such a healthy way for me to not only practice and improve upon my writing skills, but for me to express myself in a way that not a lot of people see me. I think a fault of mine is that I don't feel confident enough in myself to share my passions with my friends, classmates, and employers. I want to change that now. I just applied for an internship for this coming summer and if I get it, I'm blessed with the opportunity to live in New York for the entire summer and officially start my career path. I'm praying it works out, and I think a good way to get me prepared is to get more involved with blogging again. This blog is one of the few things in my life that I can call my own, and that I choose to work on voluntarily. I think that's why it calms me down, makes me happy, and makes me proud. This blog is mine and reflects who I am.
The other topic I wanted to touch on about pride has to do with my fashion sense. I might have trouble writing about this topic because I'm still a little perplexed about it and I don't really fully understand all of it myself. It basically has to do with psychology and fashion. Have you ever asked yourself, "What kind of impression does my outfit give off to other people when I wear it?" I feel like I probably have, but I think I somewhat lost a sense of that concept recently. I was alarmed to know that my "significant other" was displeased with the way I have been dressing.
I definitely like to be sexy at times when I go out. Not to boast, but I'm still in college, and still have a pretty decent, youthful figure that allows me to wear a wide variety of clothing. However, last night it was brought to my attention that some of the things I wear don't make me an attractive candidate as a girlfriend. I mean all I was wearing was a black mini dress with zig zag cutouts in the back, but I guess that was too much. I also got criticized for wearing this American Apparel shirt to the bar a while ago:
I definitely can understand what this guy was trying to say. He said "You obviously wear that type of clothing for a reason...". I'm assuming that he meant I wear it for attention. But when he brought it up I was crushed! I definitely don't consciously wear things to try and get sexual attention from guys, but maybe subconsciously I do? I'm not sure it's really bothering me though because I was so heartbroken to know that someone I care about perceives me like that for what I wear. I know someone can't simply be judged as a person by their clothes, but fashion sense and style definitely reflects who we are and makes us all unique (which is why I like it so much). We should all be proud of what we wear, shouldn't we? I still am upset about the conversation we had last night because I told him that's something that can easily be changed if it really makes him uncomfortable, but he said he doesn't want to change "who I am". I am left at a standstill now and am so much more conscious about what I wear. I now feel like I'm constantly being judged for my outfit choices. It's very uncomfortable, but I'm sure a lot of people have dealt with similar experiences when it comes to fashion.
I wrote about class and femininity a while ago in my Vintage Fashion post and I still believe in those values that us women should live by - I just think that since I've gotten here, I have gotten caught up in the social bar scene and have lost my sense of self a little bit. I'm not sure what these feelings I've been having mean and I think I'll be able to tell better over time but looking back to the time where I was mentally and emotionally when I started this blog, I've realized that I'm in a much different place now than I was then. I've come to the conclusion that in certain aspects I kind of miss who I was this time last year. I was very independent and driven because I didn't have many friends here and focused on my self a lot more than I do now. It was definitely hard going to the cafeteria and sitting alone night after night for dinner, but I made the best of it and learned a lot from that time period in my life.
I know that was a lot to digest for whoever actually read this entire post, but if you have any comments on my opinions about pride and self reflection, feel free to share them. I'd really like to hear what people think about the concept of fashion and how it creates a perception about who we are. I really want to look into that and understand the reasons why I wear the things I do, and if I should try and control that or just let it flow.
I will most definitely be back for more therapeutic blogging soon!
Images via Hanneli, American Apparel