So, first and foremost, I need to admit that this post isn't exactly going to be so much geared towards fashion. I'm feeling a little tense before bed so I figured blogging and writing about what's going on can help me to sort everything out.
Feeling stuck is one of my least favorite feelings in the world. If you are stuck in a place, or in a position (physically or emotionally), you usually want to get out and have difficulty doing so. Being stuck gives me the most anxiety I think compared to anything else, even more than school work. For example, I hate going on airplanes because if god forbid, something bad happens to me, I'm stuck on there for however long we're in the air and there's no getting out.
Well, have you ever been in a situation that gives you immediate gratification, but that gratification is fleeting, and deep down you know you probably can do something differently or be in a more optimal situation? I feel stuck in this uncomfortable position right now and as I stated earlier, I hate being stuck. Emotionally I am stuck in a mediocre relationship and I'm no fool to it. I know I deserve better treatment and what I'm dealing with is subpar, but I can't seem to remove myself from it because it isn't absolutely terrible. Isn't that annoying? I'm not going to bore you with the nitty gritty details of what is wrong, because I'm sure if I did almost every person reading this would probably nod his or her head in agreement that I'm definitely not being held at the right priority for the type of relationship that I am looking for.
So readers, what do you do when you are enjoying something but you want more out of it and can't really grasp it on your own? I can't force people to change who they are or what they want, so it's leaving me feeling stuck. Also I know it's important to create your own sense of happiness and not depend on others for it which is a big reason why I maintain this blog. I guess the obvious answer would be to just walk away from the situation - but again, it is giving me some sense of happiness I suppose. I question myself and my judgment the most before bed and it literally drives me insane! I should be counting sheep right now instead of criticizing myself for allowing myself to be somewhat mistreated. Relationships are complicated and I think that's why I like fashion. Fashion is something that makes me happy and call my own. True, it is subject to public scrutiny, but so is every other opinion and that's something us as individuals have to defend. Like the one time I bought a cute sweater from Anthropologie and my Dad called it a "clown sweater" (sorry Dad this isn't the 1950's!) but when I wore it up to school I got a million compliments! It's all about what you feel your best in, and I guess I should learn to apply that lesson to my life too. I'm going to get real corny here so get ready: if I could perhaps create an analogy of my relationship to a wool sweater - it may look cute on at times but overall is really itchy and uncomfortable, it's probably not a good buy. I know my relationship isn't the best and definitely is inconsistent, but I can't doubt the good parts of it either. I hate battling myself over this but I guess only time can tell!
Well I guess I'm just about done ranting for tonight. I don't really feel that I made much progress because I know fundamentally what is wrong with my situation I just am having so much trouble putting action behind my beliefs and following them. I'm definitely in a grey area of my life right now and it's bugging the hell out of me. Hopefully I won't be stuck in this situation for much longer and can come to some sort of logical solution.
If you enjoy reading my opinion pieces, click here for another post about fashion opinions and how I started my blog just shy of a year ago.
images via myself, 5 inch and up (LOVE HER! and that outfit ^), and unknown